I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
