bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize