its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
