So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
