tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
