You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
