This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
