his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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