Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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