even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
