Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
