She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
