We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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