She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
