I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
