soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize