I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
