Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
