I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
They have beer where we have blood.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize