Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
