i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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