Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
