the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
