im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
