i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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