The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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