My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
