he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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