So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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