Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
