I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
