Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
