I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
