and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I puked a lego.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
