Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
