I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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