Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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