I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
