I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
