I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
