My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize