We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
