Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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