I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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