You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
