You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
