Sry I called you an 8
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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