my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
