woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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