i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
