i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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