Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
