Girls should come with a carfax report
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
