I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
