youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Apparently you make a good broom.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
