Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
