yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
