You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize