It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
