your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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