i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
