So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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