if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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