there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
NoShamevember. You game?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
