dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
