You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize