the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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