they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
