i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
