The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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